Elf Off! Judgment Day for Exhausting Holiday Tradition

In a shocking ruling, an Atlanta-area judge has banished Elf on the Shelf from Georgia’s Cobb County.
 
Tweeting out his mock 1-page order on November 4, Judge Robert D. Leonard II lamented the “tyranny” of these supposedly magical elves, which judge kids’ naughty or niceness and in the process must be relocated nightly and, ideally, staged in increasingly elaborate scenes.
 
Not to mention the “extreme emotional distress” they can cause if mishandled, as evidenced by Leonard’s own sh-elf trauma. The Washington Post recounts “a horrific incident in his own home when three children were sent to school in tears, with one child being labeled an ‘Elf Murderer’ and accused of making the elf ‘lose his magic.’”
 
Not a total scrooge, the judge offered leniency: “If you love your elf, keep your elf. No contempts.”

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